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Bangkok, the city where morals don’t exist. Bangkok is a rich white man’s wet dream. There are droves of gorgeous prostitutes, a wild nightlife, great food & super developed hospitals. This city has all the amenities you could dream of, & the massive disparity of wealth allows Westerners to have their way with it.

As for me, I was broke as shit when I went to Bangkok. I was only there because I had a flight for Los Angeles that left on Christmas day. The only way I pulled it off was with the help of a friend, who used to be my neighbor in Siem Reap. We went from being neighbors to partners in crime after discovering that we both loved weed. I hooked him up with a better weed & Tatchi showed me how to sneak into the temples surrounding Ankor Wat. Since we both had motos & there are literally hundreds of temples this became the new afternoon hobby. There are so many temples around Ankor Wat that you could spend a month there & not see it all. Somehow we were able to waltz right in. Security is severely lacking on the smaller temples since all anyone ever talks about is Ankor Wat. For about 5 days straight we rode right in, wearing no helmets & nearly crashing into each other’s motos while passing joints at high speeds. It was epic, but all things come to an end.

After making a trip to Bangkok he returned with some big news. He was going to move to Bangkok & sell electronics. He was excited to import cool shit from his home country Japan. Apparently Bangkok is similar to Tokyo & Japanese people love it there. Within 3 days he would be gone.

I had never seen him work before. Normally he had a never ending stream of random people from Japan visiting him. They would get all fucked up, blast techno music & break shit. This was a way of life for him. Everyday he would get wasted & cause mayhem. When he wasn’t trying to fight people he would be karate kicking his door at 5 in the morning.

I was sad to see him go but at the same time I was super excited to have a connect in Bangkok. This was going to be the perfect place for the last epic party before I returned to the Western world. I had heard a lot of stories about Bangkok, now I was going to finally experience it for myself.

About a week after he left I was on a bus bound for Bangkok. It was a slow journey, but I had already drank a happy shake so I was sailing. The drive was long as shit & the border immigration was so disorganized that it took over 2 hours to cross. By the time I arrived in Bangkok it was already dark & I was shockingly sober.

I got dropped off at the address he sent me & realized I had no idea where the fuck I was. I climbed the stairs to the metro train with my luggage on my head like some sort of refugee. The train ride was pretty cool.

Christmas spirit was in full swing in Bangkok & looking down on it from the train was dope. I passed by countless shopping centers lit up with extravagant light displays. There were blazing names of brands that I had no hope of ever affording. Giant Christmas trees were lit up & everyone was ready to consume. After finally making it to the right stop I got off the train & looked for someone with a cellphone.

After calling him I headed down an alley with my luggage on my head. The trip had been hard on my suitcase. Between Cambodia & Northern Thailand every wheel, handle & strap had been completely destroyed on my bag. So I was forced to balance it on my head & accept the perplexed stares of the Thai people. Then out of the crowd, he emerged.

“Whats up mother fucker!” He said as I dropped my bag.

“Fucking starving bro, lets get this night started!” I said as I placed my bag back on my head. We walked to his apartment building. It was super modern. Everything was controlled with a keycard, even the elevator. If you didn’t display your keycard the elevator would take your straight down to the security office.

As he opened the door to his apartment I was greeted with a super compact house. There was a kitchen, bathroom, living room & bedroom condensed into the size of a normal room. There was a makeshift bong on the table. We quickly put it to use. I took a shower, changed & we both popped some pills. We were ready to go. I had two nights in Bangkok before my flight, so we had to make it count.

“What do you want to see?” He asked me as we headed down the alley.

“Ping pong show.” I said emphatically. The first time I had heard of ping pong shows was 2 years ago when I was bartending in Peru. My boss was a complete pervert who had been to Thailand. One night he spent about an hour excitedly explaining the pussy tricks he saw in Bangkok. As soon as I heard it I knew I had to see it for myself. This was my chance to turn my dream into a reality.

We took a cab to the area of town that was notorious for ping pong shows. It was a vibrant night market that openly sold everything from t-shirts to meth pipes. After walking for a few minutes we were approached by a shady looking guy who asked us if we wanted to see a ping pong show.

“Hell yeah!” I said. We were then escorted to a black door. We climbed up the steps & entered into the most confusing atmosphere I had ever seen in my life.

The room was dimly lit with purple & blue neon lights. There was a round stage in the middle of the room with a wide variety of girls in every corner. Two girls aggressively approached us, slammed us down on a couch & demanded money. We declined, saying we wanted to see the ping pong show. Apparently no wasn’t an acceptable answer. One chick started grinding Reggie while another girl whipped out my dick & started jacking me off. We were pretty high so we decided to roll with it & stay.

Before we knew it the ping pong show was in full swing. It was chaos, the only uniform thing happening was girls doing crazy shit with their pussies while more girls demanding cash from us. On stage there were about 5 girls doing different tricks. One haggard middle aged woman was smoking a cigarette with her vagina. Another fat chick was blowing a bull horn with her queefs.

The girl that was jacking me off was aggressively asking to take me into the back room & fuck me. Before I could reply I was hit in the face with a ping pong ball. One somewhat normal looking girl had her legs spread on stage & was firing ping pong balls at us.

“Mother fucker!” I said as I wiped the pussy juice from my cheek.

Seeing I was pissed one girl ran up & gave me a ping pong paddle. We were still under fire so I accepted it. I smacked back one of the ping pong balls with all my strength. It hit the chick that was showering us with ping pong balls square in the pussy. She screamed at me in Thai & another girl got on stage.

She proceeded to steal the show when she opened a bottle of champagne with her vagina. Bubbles sprayed everywhere & another group of tourists started cheering. We were still being relentlessly pestered for cash so we decided to bounce. I explained to my new girl that we had to go as I wrenched my boner from her iron grip & awkwardly put it back in my pants. He shoved his girl off of his dick & we were ready to go.

We proceeded to get into even more shit. His new Thai girlfriend ended up joining us & things got even more out of hand. The next day & night was completely insane, all 3 of us didn’t get a wink of sleep. Laws were broken & sex was had in public places.

The only thing I can say for sure was that it was a miracle that I didn’t miss my plane to California. Even though I barely made it out of there I can sincerely say that Bangkok is one of my favorite cities in the world. With the right connections you can open up doors to shit that will blow your mind. And for god sakes, bring condoms if you end up going.